Why counting calories helps.

As much as I don't enjoy counting calories, I can understand the importance.  Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I tracked my food all day but then we went out to dinner.  We went to my favorite Thai place and I ordered Laad Naa.  I have NO clue how many calories are in that dish.  Then we stopped at the store on the way home and my husband bought me a Reese's Peanut Butter cup.  At this point I was considering the day "shot" as far as calories go.  So, I decided to take a walk and mitigate the damage.  I got home from my walk and sat down at my computer to assess the damage.  I use MyFitnessPal to track my food and I wear a FitBit, the two are synced.  I checked for Laad Naa in the database and I had two choices, one was 1800 calories.  O_o  The other was a little over 300.  I chose the smaller, LOL.  Then I added my candy and surprisingly, I was 200 calories under what I am "allowed" to eat.  So, oh yes, I ate that candy.  And to be fair, my dinner likely included that "extra" 200 calories so I probably ate right at my limit.

BUT!  I was OK.  And when you're not keeping track, it's very easy to assume your day is ruined and overeat because you think it doesn't matter.  And it's probably also quite likely to eat too much and think you're fine.

Today I am trying to figure out a weight training routine to do.  I know it's silly but I don't want to use any contraptions at the gym.  I know how to use the weight machines and the tricep pulldown cable.  But I don't want to try and figure out what the heck a Smith machine is, let alone how to use it.  I just want some basic exercises that use dumbbells.  :p

Bleh.

On the surface, I've had a "good" week.  I stayed on plan every day, taking into account my date night meal which I have decided should be my one free meal per week.  But I didn't take the whole day off, just the one meal, exactly as planned.  I walked four out of five days, (five out of six if you count Sunday, prior to my official weigh-in).  I followed all the rules.  They're not the hard part, yet.  I know days will come where I am jonesing for a cheeseburger from Sonic or I just don't want to exercise.  The hard part right now is the mental stuff.

This isn't going to be a blog where I blow sunshine up your ass and pretend everything is just super hunky dory and I am pleased as punch with the measly amount of weight I lost this week.  Doing this shit day in and day out is tedious.  Weight loss is painfully slow.  And at the beginning, the road ahead is loooooong.  As I walked this evening, I thought, "I just want to be there already."  I watched a YouTube video today and the vlogger showed us her insanely cute bikinis.  *sigh*  I just want to be THERE already.  The only way to do that is to keep going and not give up this time.

Toe in the Water

So today,  I didn't jump full in to my overhaul.  I did forego a muffin this morning in favor of Greek yogurt, but I ate fried chicken for lunch.  I've been cleaning a lot and trying not to sit on the computer too much.  I've been wearing my fitbit and I will go for a walk this evening.  Tomorrow though, official weigh-in, trip to the grocery store, tracking the food and hitting the gym in addition to the walk.  I have a plan and that's better than the usual vague "I'm going to try and eat better." 

While I still plan to eat "clean" I am not going to take that to crazy extremes.  On the one hand, I like the idea very much of more whole foods, less processed stuff.  But I don't think the occasional "dirty" meal will kill you and I don't see the point of concocting weird desserts with funky flours and unusual sweeteners.  I want to try and keep it simple.  And I guess at the beginning I will count calories.  Oh how I HATE keeping track of calories even though I know it's helpful. Bleh.

STRESS!

I am about to overhaul my eating and do the "eat clean" thing and add some exercise to my life.  But first, I had to eat.  Let me explain . . . My son got in BIG trouble at school yesterday.  I was sick to my stomach, embarrassed, disappointed, worried, all those things you would expect.  This morning I spoke with the principal, punishment is being administered, it's all basically resolved now.  But here's what happens with me.  I have this sort of stressed out energy that sticks with me.  And eating will calm me.  I will still feel all those aforementioned emotions, I just grow calmer.  I tried heading it off with a little retail therapy but when I hit the grocery store, nah, it was still there.  So I bought a chicken pot pie and an individual serving cherry pie.  In the grand scheme of things, is that a "binge?"  Not really, I have heard of much, much worse.  But it's more food than I need and a LOT of calories.  But today, I just gave myself permission to do it.  I said, "Screw it.  I am about to get much stricter with myself, I am FREAKING right now and I am just going to eat, calm down and move on."

The good news is that I don't encounter this level of stress very often.  So, what I need to focus on as I change my lifestyle, is developing a different coping mechanism.   Even though it's rare, I don't think a glass of wine is actually a good idea.  And retail therapy only goes as far as I can afford that day, haha!  I think next I need to walk or run, as far and as fast as I can.